Sean bean vs Neil Warnock
Headline of the day...
MY WAR ON WAR
Probably our favourite story of the summer (not that there's much competition), the battle between Neil Warnock and Sean Bean continues in the Daily Mirror, who give Bean the chance to answer back. He refutes Warnock's claims about deliberately swearing in front of his five-year-old son and gets wonderfully catty: "The story Warnock tells is not the one I remember and I was there. But perhaps when you spend so much time rehearsing to get picked for the next series of Strictly Come Dancing, it affects your memory." MIAOW!
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I'M SORRY
Meanwhile, in The Sun, it's Sir Alex Ferguson who is feeling the wrath of Warnock for his understrength team selection against West Ham on the last day of the season. According to the former Blades boss, Fergie spoke to him after the game and said: "We f**king battered them, Neil. The team was good enough to win. I can't tell you how sorry I am." The promised tale of Warnock telling Fergie to 'f**k off' is rather more good-humoured than The Sun had made it seem like when previewing it yesterday...
DANGER SIGN
Quite what he would make of these latest schenanigans about Carlos Tevez remains to be seen, with the Daily Express (using a really old photo of him with short hair, for some reason) saying that there's a secret document that allows him to leave West Ham with no strings attached by the end of August.
THE HIGH COURT RIDDLE OF £100,000 TEVEZ
That was another Harry Harris EXCLUSIVE of course, but that doesn't stop the Daily Mail having the same story, saying that this document has the signature of Eggert Magnusson's deputy chief executive Scott Duxbury from 1st December, and that Tevez could leave for just £100,000.
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WEST HAM TELL COURT TEVEZ CONTRACT IS NOT AUTHENTIC
The Guardian however, report on West Ham's claims that this contract isn't actually authentic and that it was rescinded. Why can't it ever be simple?
FERGIE'S NEW HEINZE BLAST
Meanwhile, Sir Alex Ferguson has told Liverpool in the Daily Star that they can do 'whatever they like' to try and get Gabriel Heinze, because it will never happen. Neither of these stories seem like ending any time soon do they?
TOON FURY OVER DYER HATE MOB
The Daily Star also report on Newcastle chairman Chris Mort, who has hit out at the club's fans for driving Kieron Dyer away with a hate campaign. However, this campaign is because he wanted to leave the club already, so quite what the Star are talking about we can't be bothered to try and work out.
Other top stories...
THAKSIN LIKELY TO SURVIVE HUMAN RIGHTS CHALLENGE
According to the Daily Telegraph, Thaksin Shinawatra's takeover of Manchester City is likely to survive the challenge from leading human rights groups. Which is more than can be said for all those people who died under Thaksin's regime, eh? His lawyer Noppadol Pattama uses the best understatement of the year so far when he says: "We just tried to solve the drug problem in Thailand by getting tough with criminals." Indeed you did.
PREMIERSHIP INSIST THAKSIN IS 'FIT AND PROPER PERSON'
In The Independent, the Premier League also choose to turn a blind eye to Thaksin's reported human rights violations, seemingly because he hasn't actually been convicted of anything.
HUMAN RIGHTS GROUP VOICES ANGRY OPPOSITION TO THAKSIN TAKEOVER
In The Times, Brad Adams from Human Rights Watch says: "I feel sorry for Manchester City supporters. I know they want to be able to buy the best players and for their team to succeed, but they don't want this man's money to buy players and I don't think he is in it for the long haul."
HEINZE FACES LIFE IN THE RESEREVS AS FERGUSON'S PATIENCE RUNS OUT
In The Guardian, they say that Gabriel Heinze's attempts to engineer a move to Liverpool could cost him his place in the first team squad at Old Trafford, and that he could end up dumped in the reserves.
£6M BAINES AT GOODISON AS DEAL LOOMS
In the Daily Mail, Leighton Baines watches Everton play Werder Bremen from their directors' box, which could be taken as a hint that he might just be about to join them. Just maybe...
SHINING LIGHTS ECLIPSE LAMPS
In the Daily Express, Mick Dennis looks forward to the new season by having a pop at Frank Lampard's self-pitying whimpering, but also pointing out some of the good things that football organisations and clubs are doing with their money.
ROQUE 'N GOAL
The Sun go for a predictable headline for Roque Santa Cruz's arrival at Blackburn Rovers.
