Bench it like Beckham!
IS EVERYONE LOOKING AT ME? GOOD...
THE WORLD'S MOST HIGHLY-PAID SPECTATOR?
If David Beckham wanted to dispel the feeling that his American odyssey was all about the football rather than the hype and publicity, he couldn't have hoped for a worse start. With just a 12 minute cameo against Chelsea to his name so far, he will be sidelined again on Tuesday night for LA Galaxy's latest Superliga game against FC Dallas. The new North American equivalent of the Champions League would have been a good place for Becks to start impressing on the pitch, but defeat against Dallas would see the Galaxy eliminated before he even gets involved.
He's had to watch the last two games - a 2-1 win over CF Pachuca and a 2-1 defeat to Chivas de Guadalajara - from the sidelines because of his ankle injury. However, despite his continuing absence and that last defeat, boss Frank Yallop is trying to stay positive: "I wouldn't say it's a step back. I think we're even. I think at least we didn't play terribly all game. That would not be good," said Yallop. "We had chances to score, so there are some positives in that. But I agree, coming out flat again was difficult to take."
Yallop will be up against another former Premier-League-player-turned-MLS-coach in Steve Morrow of FC Dallas tonight, and the ex-Arsenal star isn't letting Beckhammania affect him: "We're very much focused on what we need to do. We feel we've had some very good performances so far in the SuperLiga and if you'd told us at the start of the tournament that we would need to win our final game at home against LA we would have been happy with that. I think whatever is going on with the Galaxy and Beckham doesn't affect us because we know what we need to do."
Beckham won't even be with the team in Dallas, because Galaxy are more keen to get him possibly fit in time for a televised MLS clash with Toronto FC on Sunday. Yallop admitted: "He's very frustrated," he said. "If it's up to him and it wouldn't hinder his injury, he would come with us (to Dallas). But because of flying, he just can't do that. We want him ready to travel with us on Friday. That's the thing he's aiming for."
This Toronto fixture has always been a big one for Galaxy and Brand Beckham, being his MLS debut and one that will be national television, giving them and him the chance to really win over some new converts away from the Hollywood party scene. If he misses it, he risks losing all of the momentum his glitzy arrival has built up, and it would also be a blow for the home side, who are expecting a packed crowd on Sunday, though they claim that Beckham wouldn't be the only attraction.
"(Injuries) are things we can't control," said Toronto FC marketing director Cesar Velasco. "We're getting ready for a regular season game. The only difference is the number of media requests and the additional security. David Beckham was an added value," Velasco said. "But we have a fan base that bought tickets to watch Toronto FC." Unfortunately, even Toronto have their injury problems, with several first team players likely to miss the game too, including Danny Dichio. That's surely got to be a bigger blow than losing Goldenballs would be...
Pele would probably think so. Ever one to sway in the direction of public opinion, the Brazilian legend has given up saying that Beckham is ace and will change the world, and has now decided that he's a bad thing: "David Beckham is more of a pop star than a player. Based on my experience at Cosmos New York, I advise him to be very well prepared for the matches," Pele said, warning that Posh Spice also needs to take a backseat (like that would happen!)
"I know the level of play in that league, it is very evenly balanced, and the fans will demand a lot from a star like him. He can stroll through Hollywood on his days off and when he has no training. Victoria Beckham does her share for the improved image of football in North America," he said. "There is no doubt about it. But David must be the one to lift the sport. He must give the right answers on the pitch, that is not Victoria's business."
So, is there any good news for Beckham? Well, he's made a big impression on one of his young team-mates, Quavas Kirk (wonder how many times Becks has called him 'Quavers'): "We are basically adding an excellent player and I'm learning off him already, he said. "I have watched all his tapes and have been hearing David will play in the centre, so it will be a good opportunity for him to set me up and work together. Most importantly, we know he is a great player so he will contribute to the team, he has made us feel like a European club. We realise his arrival has been good for all of us."
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POSH VS WHOOPI?
Of course, it's not all about football in the world of Brand Beckham. In fact, it's hardly ever about football. Certainly not when Posh Spice is involved, despite Pele seeing her as some kind of ambassador for the sport. She's more interested in raising her own profile, and one perfect way to do that would be to get on national television in a show like The View, which is basically the American inspiration for Loose Women (cheers for that!).
'A load of women yakking about nonsense' is the best way of summing The View up, so obviously Victoria Beckham would be the perfect contributor and she is believed to be a contender to replace previous big-mouth Rosie O'Donnell. The Daily Star reckon the job's in the bag: "Victoria is hardly a bimbo and she has the added appeal of having already rubbed a lot of American women up the wrong way, so sparks are guaranteed to fly," said 'a source'.
"She also, of course, hob-nobs with A-listers like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes and has one of the hottest husbands in town in David Beckham. There's no doubt she's going to add a lot of pizazz to the show." However, it seems like she might be getting pipped to the role by an actual star, Whoopi Goldberg, who already has the support of co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck (we've no idea who she is either).
"I loved working with Whoopi Goldberg," Hasselbeck said. "She is soulful, has a world of experience to bring to the table, and I don't sense any sort of political agenda. She is so funny, but at the same time, she is one of the most thoughtful people that I've met." Hmm, thoughtful... Posh Spice could be in trouble there. In better news, she's going to have a cameo appearance in Ugly Betty: "There's a wedding dress involved," executive producer Marco Pennette explained. "There's a wedding involved with her storyline."
"But we want her husband David on set," he joked. "It's one of the requirements!" Whether or not Goldenballs will be gracing the set of Ugly Betty or not remains to be seen, but he definitely won't be appearing in The Simpsons, according to Matt Groening. Why would anyone turn down such an opportunity? Because Marge made fun of his 'alleged' affair with Rebecca Loos in her alternate Queen's Speech on C4 a few Christmases ago, apparently.
Indeed. And it's a shame, because he could have used his new-found public-speaking abilities if he had been in The Simpsons. According to a pointless and long story in the News Of The World, he's been taking tips from Tom Cruise about presentation, body language and not sounding like a squeaky Cockney. A 'source' told the 'newspaper': "David's performance was so slick and assured it's clear the advice from Tom has been rubbing off. David has always been quite shy in front of the cameras.
"He's got a squeaky Cockney accent normally and he talked into his chest. While wife Victoria could turn on the charm, David always looked uncomfortable with that side of fame and preferred to do his talking on the pitch. But Tom's being drumming into him that Americans expect their stars to be able to be all-singing, all-dancing. They have to look good, sound good and work the roomâ'even if the room is a 60,000-seater stadium or a packed theatre."
