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The pair of the Drog by Gerry McDonnell
The press boys have had a field day reporting on Wayne Rooney's gambling losses this week, it's easy for them to pontificate about betting responsibly, but I refuse to condemn the big lad, I too have wasted money on an old dog or two.

Rooney's problems are insignificant compared to mine though, the wife is on the warpath after she overheard a private telephone conversation where I was discussing the importance of Fabregas to the future of Arsenal, she thinks I have a problem with Cesc chat lines. That's only partly true.

Chelsea 4/7, Drogba 11/2
Jose Mourinho is also a worried man, he was right to voice his concerns about bird flu; there could well be a foul related epidemic at the Reebok. Bolton are having a disappointing end to the season; after four successive defeats, big Sam will have his boys fired up for this one. The Champions are a confident call at 4/7, an in form Drogba is worth a small tinkle at 11/2 to bag a brace.

Robbie Savage Booking 7/4, Drawn Match 11/5
An excellent betting opportunity has presented itself in the Blackburn v Liverpool match. The deadline has now passed for accumulated bookings to lead to a suspension; as a result, Robbie Savage's nine previous yellows can be disregarded. The blonde bombshell has been given a license to roam free in front of the TV cameras; the 7/4 on offer for a Savage booking is worth snapping up. Both Blackburn and Liverpool head into the game in great form, the draw's the call at 11/5.

Birmingham or Villa Red Card 5/2, Drawn Match 2/1
When the Villa won at Birmingham earlier in the season, the home supporters were far from enamoured with David O'Leary as he ran across the pitch to gesticulate towards a pensioner. This fixture is always tasty, but with Birmingham's Premiership status and O'Leary's managerial career on the line, more fireworks are expected. The draw's a good call at 2/1, a goalless draw is a great call at 13/2, but a sending off at 5/2 is the piece de resistance.

West Ham 11/10
Man City don't enjoy their trips to Upton Park, and not because of the supposed jellied eel eating, market stall trading, non washing machine owning locals that the BBC believe inhabit the area, but because they've never won there in the Premiership, and on four of the five trips, they've been absolutely shoed.

The footballer of the year awards have been dominated by the usual suspects, poor old Yossi Benayoun didn't even get a look in. The Israeli playmaker has a lot in common with Paolo Di Canio; he's not a referee pushing, scissor kicking, fascist sympathising Italian, but they can both change a game with a moment of brilliance. Yossi holds the key to a Hammers victory, get on at 11/10.

Portsmouth 10/11 (nap)
Pompey are the weekend nap at home to Middlesbrough. Their recent form has been superb and Boro have one eye on the UEFA Cup and the other on the FA Cup, the 10/11 on the table should be snapped up. The back flipping, goal scoring, non Toon performing phenomenon that is Lua Lua looks the man to do the damage; he's 5/1 to open the scoring.

The weekend specials:
"Gud, old boy" - Eidur Gudjohnsen to score at any time 7/4
"Luke warm" - Luke Moore to score two or more goals 8/1
"Good Friday" - Sunderland to score one goal or more 11/10
"Good pie day" - Wayne Rooney to score two or more goals 7/2
"The steaks are high" - Wayne Rooney to score with a header 7/2

Quote of the week:
"The only people we've not laid are Roger de Courcy and Nookie Bear, and by the time Freddie Shepherd makes up his mind we'll probably have seen some money for them too."

Ladbrokes spokesman Robin Hutchison edges out Jose Mourinho's bird flu quip.

Stat, you're a liberty:
The most successful team in the tackle this season is?Sunderland. The Mackem players have won 74% of their challenges.

Accumulator of the week:
If you put Fulham, Newcastle, Portsmouth and West Ham together in an accer, you end up with a Channel 4 game show; only this 15/1 appeals.

Weekend Betting: